June 17

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Release the Hidden Obstacles Preventing You From Having the Life You Really Want

By Robert Bencivenga

June 17, 2021


The life you see has nothing to do with your circumstances, situations or conditions. The life you see is a reflection of your own thinking, who you’re being, and the choices you’re making… right now! Your life isn’t a reflection of your external circumstances. 

You’ll never find the success you’re seeking waiting for something “out there” to save you and make your life turn out the way you want it to. You’ll never have the life you really want, until you stop looking outside yourself and start looking inside. 

Why You Need to Create a New Self

In order to experience a New Life, you need a New Self! I’m going to show you what’s holding you back, and how to create that New Self! 

One of my favorite sayings is: “If you were already being who you needed to be, to have the life you wanted to have, you’d already have it.” 

Nothing will just magically change on its own.

It All Starts With Your Brain

Our brains consume the most energy of any function in our body. The brain consumes about 20% of both the oxygen you breathe and the calories you burn. And that’s just in a resting state.

American industrialist Henry Ford said: “Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason so few engage in it.” And conscious thinking takes way more energy!

According to the National Science Foundation, you have approximately 60,000 thoughts per day, 85% of which are negative, and 90% which are repetitive! 

In light of that fact, the brain is always trying to be efficient and minimize the amount of energy it uses. And the most effective way for it to conserve energy is to reduce as many things as possible, to automatic unconscious processes and repetitive thinking. 

Tolerating A Predictable Life

The majority of people just follow the habitual thoughts and automatic unconscious processes the brain provides them with, creating very predictable lives. We don’t think… we just react based on past experiences. It reminds me of that saying: “The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” 

The brain’s job is to keep us safe, comfortable, secure and familiar, which doesn’t produce an exceptional life. It produces the same life over and over again, and you end up being addicted to a life you don’t want. 

Michael Gerber, business coach and bestselling author said: “The difference between great people and everyone else is that great people create their lives actively, while everyone else is created by their lives, passively waiting to see where life takes them next. The difference between the two is the difference between living fully and just existing.”

Creating an Exceptional Life

The way to produce an exceptional life is through “conscious thinking”… decisive, deliberate, intentional, purposeful thinking. And to “respond” to things through our own choosing — rather than knee-jerk reactions. Although we have 60,000 thoughts per day, the majority of them are not of our own choosing, which results in haphazard living! 

Deepak Chopra, world-famous author and prominent figure in the New Age movement, said: “Most people have no time to think or be themselves. They become bundles of conditioned reflexes and nerves that are constantly being triggered by people and circumstances into very predictable outcomes and patterns of behavior. There’s no conscious creation of their own lives!”

So, the first thing you have to do is identify your thinking, release it, and rewire your brain with thinking you consciously choose, and actions aligned with the vision you have for the life you want to experience. 

We need to put ourselves in the position of being able to choose the life we want to experience. To be able to create it the way we want it to be, rather than by happenstance and default. Your life is way too important and precious to be created by accident. 

At the end of this post, I’ll teach you the process I use to slow down, which will give you the opportunity to choose your thinking, response and actions — and therefore create the life you really want!

What’s Holding You Back 

The frequency at which your thoughts are vibrating! 

Which means nothing more than: “What the heck are you thinking about all day long?” Don’t make this more complicated than it is, or turn it into something mystical. It’s real simple… thoughts are things! The entire Universe is made up of vibrating energy.

Ask yourself: What thoughts do I need to immerse myself in fully to experience the life I want to have… including better health, deeper more intimate relationships, greater prosperity, increased fulfillment, a connection to your higher self, joy, peace.   

French-born novelist Anaïs Nin said: “We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are.”

The challenge is getting conscious enough to choose the thoughts that will create the life you really want. Choosing thoughts that vibrate at the frequency at which that life exists. Again, don’t make this complicated. 

For example, If you want a life full of love, you can’t have thoughts that vibrate at a frequency of always finding fault and criticizing people. 

If you want a life full of prosperity, you can’t fill your head with thoughts of “I don’t deserve that. Prosperity is for other more capable people, not me.” 

Be vigilant in guarding what thoughts you allow into your mind!

What are you saying to yourself and others all day long? You speak your life and business into existence with your words!

How To Create a New Self to Have a New Life

Your thinking, and who you’re being, is the map by which you travel through life, and get to where you want to go. It’s called your “Internal Map of Reality.” It can’t be flawed with limiting beliefs and behaviors that aren’t aligned with who you have to be, and what you have to do, to have what you want to have! 

Read more about this here.

Your life is a reflection of who you’re being and your self-identity. Are you being 100% Responsible for your life? Are you being Committed to do the things you need to do to have the life you really want? Are you placing your Attention on those things that will give you the life you really want? Are you operating with Integrity and honoring your word? 

Here’s a simple way to find the answers to those questions… Just look at your life! Look at your bank account, your health, weight, relationships, your job, your spiritual connections, the money you’re making or not making, and the results you’re experiencing.

5 Practices to Slow You Down So You Can Speed Up to Achieve the Life You Really Want

Do you see a pattern here? 

Throughout this post, the words choose and slow down are used numerous times. And that’s because it’s extremely important to slow down, so you can practice choosing, which empowers you to consciously, deliberately create the life you really want. 

Here are 5 practices you can use to slow down and get present to dead-end thinking and knee-jerk reactions, so you can replace them with conscious thinking and choices aligned with the vision you have for the life you really want: 

1) The Witness

Become what ancient scriptures call “the witness” or “the watcher” of your favorite ways of going unconscious, in order to uproot negative thought patterns from your life. Watch what you’re thinking, how you’re acting, and what you’re saying.

It’s as simple as this… Pretend you’re an actor on a stage, playing your part in this production called “Your Life.” Watch yourself as you go through your day and actually recite what you’re thinking and doing. For example: “Here’s Robert doubting he will be successful.” “Here’s Robert rushing into the post office and forgetting to turn off his car.” “Here’s Robert getting impatient and snapping at his wife’s question.”

This will feel odd at first, but it’s super effective to slow you down, and allow you to get conscious of your thinking, actions, meanings you assign to things, and choices you make. It gives you the leverage you need to choose consciously and subsequently intentionally create the life you really want. It puts you in the peaceful present, where your New Life gets created.

2) Breathwork

You can live approximately three days without water; three months without food; but only three minutes without air!

There’s no special time or place needed to use your breath to calm your nervous system and put you in the peaceful present feeling relaxed and centered. And the more frequently you practice it, the easier it gets and the more natural it becomes, so after a while it operates on its own to keep you calm and consciously aware of your thinking, actions and feelings.

Many people like 7-11 breathing where you breathe in for a count of 7, and then breathe out for a count of 11. And repeat it accordingly. Make sure when you’re breathing in, your diaphragm moves down and pushes your stomach out as you take in a breath, rather than shallower breathing just using your lungs.

I like 4-4 breathing, where you close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose to a mental count of 4, and then hold your breath for a count of 4. Then exhale completely through your mouth for a count of 4, and then hold your breath for a count of 4. 

3) Sayings for Practical Enlightenment (“SPEs”)

These are present day Mantras to keep you in the perfect peaceful present where everything is okay, rather than spending your time in thoughts regretting the past or worrying about the future. The past is gone and over, and the future hasn’t even come — so what’s the point?! As a matter of fact, 99% of what people worry about happening in the future never happens!

Carry a copy with you so you can refer to these Mantras anytime you get lost in thoughts about the past or find yourself worrying about the future. Read more about this here.

4) Creating a Pause to Choose

Pause to turn preprogrammed, autopilot, knee-jerk, unconscious “reactions” into “conscious responses.” When you’re stimulated by anything or anyone, do not react immediately. Take the time to pause before doing or saying anything. 

It’s in this pause that change and conscious choice become available to you, and allow you to transform your standard reactions into conscious responses to create the life you really want.

5) Thoughts Journal… New Ways of Thinking and Being

Record your thinking… replace it with new thinking that you’ve written down. Not just in the a.m. when you get up, but at night before going to sleep. Consciously seed your mind with thoughts aligned with your vision of the life you really want… in detail! Use the power of reprogramming your subconscious while you’re sleeping and when you first wake up.

Read more about this here.

Arm yourself with new empowering ways of thinking, feeling and acting that you can substitute for your old ways. Act them out and rehearse them, so they become second nature. Ask yourself, “What could I have done or said differently that would have created a more empowering outcome?” “What thoughts am I having that are causing me to feel this way, and what could I replace them with?” 

Put yourself back in that situation in your mind and imagine a whole new script. Rehearse a better way of being that would have given you the result you desire, so you can act differently next time to achieve the outcome that you want. 

After a short time, these 5 practices will become something that materializes automatically, sort of like a program running in the background!

Practice Choosing… Choose Practicing, and in no time, you’ll start experiencing the life you really want! 

Why I Wrote This Post 

I want to wake you up to the life-creating power of your own thinking, and the life-changing effect of understanding who you’re being in your life! You don’t have to look any further to find the secret to having the life you really want. It happens within that six-inch space between your two ears.

A Sobering Thought

What will you eventually say about your life? 

I certainly hope it’s not that you wanted to be happier, wealthier, more fulfilled, have better relationships, more successful, make an impact on the world, be a better example for your kids, have more time for yourself, or any of the other regrets many people are left with at the end of their lives.

Good News

Nothing has to stay the same, you can choose today to create the life you really want, or continue wishing, hoping, praying, and waiting! 

It’s totally your choice.

To learn more, download my Free Ebook “3 Steps to Feel Great Right Now Regardless of Your Circumstances.” Get started mastering your mind and transforming your thinking.


Robert Bencivenga

About the author

I’ll be your guide on this journey.

I want to make sure you don’t wake up one day feeling your life has passed you by, and you haven’t lived your best life to its fullest!

I’ve studied ancient eastern spiritual philosophies, transformational psychology, and brain science for over 40 years. 

I developed simple practices that you can use anytime and anywhere, to help you create the life you deserve.

I share practical tools and insights, so you can live a life of your own choosing, regardless of your circumstances....

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