November 26

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The Secret to a Happy Peaceful Life: Becoming Unoffendable

By Robert Bencivenga

November 26, 2020


I realized that the only thing keeping me from being at peace with everything is one of the following combinations of these two words: “I Should,” “It Should,” or “They Should.” Let’s take a look at how to realize a happy peaceful life and leave behind all the “shoulds.”

Have you ever noticed that the only thing keeping you from having a life of relatively pure blissful peace is your own mind’s illusion that it knows exactly how everyone and everything should be, including your own life!

The mind’s illusions might include phrases such as “I should be richer than I am,” or “They should have called to say thank you for what I did,” or “It should be easier than it is.”

We seem to always know exactly how it should be, and unfortunately, our “should be” never matches up with how it actually is… Never!

A Life of Unrest

We seem to always fight with what is, and thus we’re always “offended” by the fact that the outcome is never how we think it should be.

So much of our energy is spent telling ourselves that we should be different than we are, that we should want a life different than it is.

Without a doubt, we know exactly how everyone else should behave or how their lives should be.

We’re often so quick to take things personally or comment about everything, thus keeping us in a constant state of unrest and discontent.

It’s as if someone keeps throwing rocks into our beautiful peaceful lakes.

The irony is that it’s self sabotage. 

We analyze, judge and assign meaning to every action and inaction, everything that is said and unsaid.

We might have expectations of what we should get in return for helping others.

It’s this series of two-act plays –– with their constant dialogue and narrative being repeated in our heads –– that steals our peace.

The mind adds its own narrative to everyday events, which we then accept as truth.

Unfortunately, the narrative is usually negative in an effort to protect our egoic self.

All problems seem to boil down to thought problems.

Our thoughts, however, are optional.

We get to choose what we think.

Many of us are so busy wishing for a future moment that we miss the present moment exactly as it is. It’s like when you have a kink in a water hose and nothing can flow. We miss the natural flow of our own life.

The Gift of Being Unoffendable

There’s one major benefit to becoming “unoffendable”…a happy peaceful life!

A calm tranquil life.

An imperturbable life!

As the great spiritual teacher, Adyashanti, said, “There’s a state of being already allowing every moment to be as it is.

It’s the awareness that’s functioning right now and has been functioning your whole life.”

When we quiet the chatter of our own mind with all the “shoulds,” we create a space for stillness, and through that stillness, we have the ability to connect with a much deeper, more fulfilling place within ourselves.

This is the place where there’s a fundamental satisfaction and contentment with things just as they are.

Seven Pathways to Becoming Unoffendable

1. Let everything be…Exactly as it is…In this moment. And be grateful for it.

2. Nothing means anything, except the meaning I give it.

3. I can be right, or I can be at peace.

4. When I accept who I am, and my life as it is, then and only then will things be different.

5. I will use my feelings as my internal radar, warning me that when I have that uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, I know my thinking is not in line with my deeper spiritual self.

6. I will inquire about my thoughts… Are they really true? What sort of reality are my thoughts creating for me? Why am I making my thoughts mean that? What if they didn’t have to mean anything? Do they serve my deeper self?

7. My life is easy when I have no preferences.

A Practice to Regain Control over your Thoughts

This endless loop of “should narratives” happens on automatic pilot, without us being conscious of it.

At different times during the day, just STOP everything you’re doing (it will only take 30 seconds), come back into the present moment, and witness what you’re thinking.

Over time, this will give you greater control over the thoughts you allow to occupy your mind.

You’ll break the habit of being “yourself.”

Do this every day, several times a day, and it will change your life.

Remember the old saying, “garbage in, garbage out”...the quality of the output is determined by the quality of the input.

To learn more, download my Free Ebook “3 Steps to Feel Great Right Now Regardless of Your Circumstances.” Get started mastering your mind and transforming your thinking.


Robert Bencivenga

About the author

I’ll be your guide on this journey.

I want to make sure you don’t wake up one day feeling your life has passed you by, and you haven’t lived your best life to its fullest!

I’ve studied ancient eastern spiritual philosophies, transformational psychology, and brain science for over 40 years. 

I developed simple practices that you can use anytime and anywhere, to help you create the life you deserve.

I share practical tools and insights, so you can live a life of your own choosing, regardless of your circumstances....

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